nebraska trip

well eli and i are back from our trip. we went to nebraska to meet my dad's brother and go to his wedding. i slept at my parents' house tuesday night so we could get up early wednesday morning to leave. so i woke up at 5:30 am. we are trying to pack everything in the car, and somehow my dad cut his finger on the doorframe, and is bleeding all over the wedding gift. there are 2 (TWO) drops of blood on the floor. my mom is running around like a mad woman gettting paper towels and band aids for him, and he is claiming he's SLICED his finger open. "it's bleeding and it won't stop!!!" (reminded me of "help i've fallen and i can't get up!") he exclaims while accusing her of walking in the 2 drops of blood and smearing it all over the entire house. the baby is crying and it is way too early to be awake!

in the car:

Mom (to me): Oh I'm so aggravated, it's not even 6:30 am and my hair is ringing wet. I'm always sweating. And we haven't even left the house yet. It's not even 6:30!

Dad gets in the car. (to mom): Damn woman! If you would ever clean out this car.....

Dad (to mom): did you get your cellphone?

did you get the car charger?

did you get the electric charger?

Mom: Yes Gary, I have all that. Do you have to bring that gun?

Dad: Yes Carol I have to bring that gun.

Mom: Did you get your cellphone? Did you get your mouthwash?

Dad: oh shoot!

Mom: well I have some listerine.

Dad: I don't "do" listerine. That's nasty. Scope is the right kind of mouthwash. The kind people should use.

Mom: it's not bad, it's the green kind....

Dad (to me): did you bring the baby a blanket? Did you bring a blanket for you? Did you bring a pillow?

So, you see, before we even left the house there was blood, sweat, and tears! We stop to get gas and Uncle Clifford calls and says they're waiting for us at the Forest Hill exit. Dad (to Uncle Clifford): well we have this baby and that slows down everything you know? Mom and me look at each other and just started laughing.

During the drive my dad proceeds to point out all the other drivers' flaws, labeling them as follows:

stupid asses

jack asses

dumb asses

dumb butts

jerks

idiots

stupid idiots

stupid ass idiots

etc.

many of them were also on drugs, "smoking them cigarettes," riding his butt, weaving in and out of lanes, too old to be driving, too young to be driving, too stupid to be driving, talking with their hands when they should be driving, driving too fast or driving too slow. he told me to quit writing down everything he said and not to post it on the internet, but for some reason i just couldn't help myself!